Gender Roles: The Community and the Self

Recognising the subtle ways in which gender roles are inculcated in girls as nthey grow up, the author realizes that rural and urban society alike continue to foster and typify a woman’s way of being

M Y LIFE WAS WONDERFUL, especially because I was an only child. I was allowed to do anything I wanted and was frequently told by my mother, “Tui amader sudhu meye nosh, amader chele o tui. (You are not just a daughter but a son to us.)”

Oh! This was a prized compliment from my parents. But looking back, I wonder whether it really was a compliment or was it just another one of those endless gendered expectations imposed upon a girl. I am not sure of what it really was. The more I work on training women in the community about gender roles, the more I realize how ‘gendered’ my own life really was.

Growing up, I truly thought that my parents were liberal, albeit just a little protective about my safety. My cousin brothers, however, would also be scolded like I was and I thought that we were equal. I went to a good school (girls only). I was never expected to do a single chore at home. My mother used to say, “Ekhon onek somoy ache kaj korar, age porasona to kor, ranna poreo sikhte parbi (You have got loads of time to do chores, first study properly. You can learn cooking any day.)” But as I grew older, I became responsible and began helping my parents in work.